Via "Pigs July 2008-1" by Alvesgaspar - Own work (own photo). Licensed under GFDL via Commons - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Pigs_July_2008-1.jpg#/media/File:Pigs_July_2008-1.jpg

Hypnosnoring

Via Variations on Normal

The first time I was pregnant we did things a bit differently. I went to antenatal pilates. I tried to eat as healthily as possible. We endlessly read about the pregnancy and what to expect when the baby was born. We spent hours feeling the bump, speculating about whether it would be a boy or a girl and had long discussions (arguments) about what name to choose. We did nice stuff like play music to the baby and talk to him. We begged, borrowed and bought baby clothes and equipment and we packed my hospital bag weeks in advance. This time round I haven’t even managed to buy maternity pads. Let’s hope my waters break somewhere wipe-cleanable.

With our first baby we also did hypnobirthing (self hypnosis, relaxation and breathing techniques for giving birth). We found it useful, although the midwife laughed in my face (I say face, I think she was actually looking at my vagina at the time) when we suggested I was going to “breathe the baby out”. I did follow her advice and push as she seemed to know what she was talking about. We have decided to do hypnobirthing for this baby’s birth too. Last time we went on a 2 day course with Judith Flood, we both read Marie Mongon’s book, we listened to the various hypnobirthing tracks every night for months, Philip read the script and I practiced my breathing. This time we have so far managed to listen to one of the hypnobirthing tracks approximately 4 times and that’s it. To be honest, I am half expecting the baby just to drop out- if my current inability to keep a wee inside my bladder is anything to go by, I will just sneeze and the baby will have arrived in the world.

Despite this, last night, we decided to put a bit of effort in and listen to a hypnobirthing track again. We were both exhausted. We lay in bed, Judith Flood’s calming voice washing over us. Judith affirmed how flipping amazing mine and Philip’s vaginas are, and Philip calmly lay there imagining his perineum opening like a beautiful flower, gently and easily birthing our baby. As Judith continued to assure us that the baby’s birth would be no bother at all, we both entered into a more and more relaxed state. Then Judith suggested an imaginary staircase for us to slowly descend and began to count down from 10, telling us that after each step we were sinking more and more deeply into relaxation.

This is the point when usually I do indeed feel very relaxed and often fall asleep before I have imagined that I have reached the bottom of the staircase. This time, however, after every step down I could hear Philip’s breathing getting deeper. The deeper the breathing, the more suspiciously like snoring his breathing became. The more like snoring Philip’s breathing became, the less relaxed I felt and by the time Judith had counted down to 3, Philip was most definitely snoring and I felt extremely un-relaxed. Judith continued counting down…2… you are sinking down into total relaxation and ….1… Philip suddenly let out the most definite snoring noise ever, I shouted “SHUT THE F**K UP!” and elbowed him in his side.

Philip apologised, turned over on his front and continued to sleep, nice and quietly this time. I tried to focus on the rest of the hynobirthing track but instead started to catastrophise. What if the next baby is a girl… we will have to give up our bedroom when our boy turns 10 so they can have separate rooms… if we sleep in the lounge like we plan to, then I won’t be able to get away from Philip if his snoring gets worse (as it is bound to as he gets older), unless he sleeps in the kitchen or bathroom (and I don’t think that would be practical)…

Eventually through sheer exhaustion I dropped off to sleep, but I woke up the next day still wondering what the future has in store for us and if staying here in our 2 bedroom flat is realistic after all. It’s not even something we need to worry about for at least 6 years, if at all, and I guess there will always be earplugs. 

Have you any experience of this? Or any concerns that this might be an issue for you in the future? Comment below or take part in our Facebook group forum here.

Related posts:
A boy or a girl
Noise

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